A May 28th article on Yahoo! News really confounded me. The title says “Married couples in less than half of US households.” I guess I grew up in an environment where there is a stigma associated with not being married and having a domestic relationship with someone else. Call me old-fashioned – but I see no wrong in being that way. Marriage is a big step and before we get there, we need to create a deep relationship with our partner. A lot of times we think we know everything -the-I-know-what-I’m-doing. But listen -  if you are in a relationship and one person is not on the same wavelength as you are – you are better off alone or finding someone who deserves you. Experience can only tell you how it is. I truly believe that a man will do the most honorable thing for a woman – and that is not to subject her for countless judgements.

My husband and I got married at the Commonwealth of Virginia. Getting a license was easy and the fee would have been waived if we had at least attended three days of seminar. We wanted to legalize that union but at the same time we wanted God’s blessing. According to the Catholic Church, we could not have a full Catholic Matrimonial Ceremony because my husband was not Catholic. So we had our little ceremony at a small church in Shallowater, Texas, and the priest blessed us and our rings. So I wore my white dress that my sister worked for days sewing on the white beads and sequins. It was good enough even with just family around.

Really, but what baffles me is that it becomes a trend. So talked to a lot of people and they’ve given me the following reasons:

[1] “We wanted to test the water first before we jump in.” – But don’t you spend time with your boyfriend/girlfriend almost everyday? Does it have to be a 24/7 Scientific Investigation to be able to know what annoys both of you?

[2] “We don’t have the money for the ceremony and I want to invite all my friends who invited me in their wedding.” – There are several options to invest that money than a glamorous ceremony. If you cannot afford it, then be honest with yourself. What is really important for you – the wedding ceremony or being in a secure relationship with your partner? Your REAL friends will understand that.

[3] “We had a baby so we kinda lived together.But I am not sure I want to marry him.” – Maybe you shouldn’t live together and let him stay with his mama and you’re better off staying with your mama, too. You’re both going to be called a “baby’s mama” or a “baby’s daddy” for the rest of your life. My vocabulary gets extended each day.

[4] “My mom lived with this guy who is younger than her. But he has been supporting us.” – I talked to some teenagers and if it is all right for their mom or dad to be in a domestic relationship, then it becomes “all right” for them, too. How can something be wrong with something when it becomes right from the start?

[5] “Everybody’s doing it so why not?” – That’s the point. We used to cringed at the stigma associated with dissuading from the norm. But where is the stigma? Society has made it easy for young people nowadays to have a baby and just live with their partners. There’s free day care, there’s the Food and Nutrition Program called WIC provided by each state in the US, and of course there are food stamps that can qualify low-income families.

[6] “I was in a bad relationship before and got divorced. So I don’t want that to happen again.” – Nobody’s perfect. We all make bad decisions sometime in our lives but we all would like believe in second chances. We move on. But marriage is still a commitment and you have to try to make it work. That’s why it is important to prepare for that giant leap. Have a long engagement; try being away from each other for sometime and see how you both react to situations; compromise and compromise if you have to.

Compromise and Commit. That’s it! I used to be a skeptic but life is that way – it changes your perspective, lowers your tolerance for immaturity, and makes you appreciative of the little things in life. Pray – that’s the most powerful weapon we have to create good changes in our lives.